I am often accused of being an atheist, a heretic, an apostate, a blaspheme, or a son of perdition because of my views and the graphic way I express them. I can tend to curdle the blood of a mainstream Christian with my comments, and I may offend many who choose to accept blindly what mere men have arbitrarily appointed as the word of god. I don’t claim that none of it is true, but I find humor in pointing out the blatantly stupid, absurd and moronic Byzantine contradictions to what true Christianity is about in the very book they tout and so vehemently cling to as if no other truth could possibly exist.
My purpose in writing any of this is to give a different, unconventional but very logical point of view to subjects that have been taken for granted or accepted out of religious inertia or domestication and programming. My intent is not to offend, but to give options to re-think in a humorous, irreverent way, what we have allowed ourselves to believe blindly, without really thinking it through.
However, I truly, sincerely and unequivocally believe in a loving, kind, and positive God or supreme force that provides abundance and love for ALL of its children and creatures regardless of their domestication, culture, lifestyle, choices, and beliefs. I sincerely believe that God is indeed love and perfection and I love and believe in that God and not the one in my favorite Bible stories. So, if I am irreverent to that god, I am NOT irreverent to God, because I do not believe they are the same. In fact, I differentiate the god of the stories I cannot bring myself to respect from God, by the capitalization of God’s title or name throughout my writing.
The Holy Bible is an amazing compendium abridged in the 4th century to assist in unifying the many teachings of the new Christian philosophy. Replete with stories of prophets and miracles that have been studied by scholars and morons alike with zealous fervor and dedication to understand the “word of god” more clearly for centuries.
This book has molded our society, our worldview and our basic beliefs pertaining to who we are, why we are here and where we are going after we die. We unquestioningly accept it as the word of God because someone said it was, and yet we just don’t seem to understand what the hell god meant to say when he “inspired” the council of Nicea to abridge and select from the vast apocrypha they had to draw from. We struggle with the contradictory teachings, the violence, the fear, the fire and brimstone, and the guilt from not meeting the standards of perfection as set out by this great book; and yet we find comfort in the promises of redemption, glory and exaltation it holds. Like a carrot tied to a horse in front of its face, we are compelled to prod onward without question or argument on the quest for the unattainable carrot. How can we not poke some harmless fun at that?
I recall the hours of Sunday school service where the Bible was read and dissected by some of the sharpest minds – at least in the neighborhood – complemented with study guides and the always inspired guidance of the local “theologians” that couldn’t help but share their wisdom and mastery of the holy script. These admirable people spent hours studying the depths of the Bible to learn and understand the attributes of god and understand his teachings to humanity.
Ah, the rush of satisfaction as the mysteries of god were consumed and regurgitated in as many ways as there were participants clinging to the delusion that somehow by being able to “make sense” of the words they were reading, they would become better people. The thrill of the sense of mastery of verses that seem so esoteric and vague is intoxicating. To be able to state clearly, what god wanted his children to extract from the ramblings of very strange men was the pinnacle of any churchgoers Sunday experience.
I often felt so out of place and frankly somewhat stupid because I just didn’t get it. I somehow was able to pull strait A’s in school (when I wanted to), but Ill be god damned if I could make heads or tails of what god was trying to tell me in the Bible. Could it be that I am closed off spiritually from the word? Could I be living such a wicked life that the Holy Spirit every one said was out there teaching and testifying is offended in some way by my life so he just passed me by? Maybe I needed to pray more for understanding – and I did. I prayed and I read, I pondered and I prayed. I prayed and I studied and I prayed some more – and suddenly it came to me many years later.
One cold day in the shower as I prepared for work, I was pondering the story of Abraham and Isaac and I saw the light! The Bible stories flooded my mind and the surge of emotions was impossible to contain. My wife came in to see why I was laughing so hard in the shower. “I got it, I see the light and I will share my vision of the Holy Bible stories with the world! I will cite book chapter and verse from the King James Version of the Bible and I will add my commentary to help clarify it all! It’s a matter of logic and simplicity, it’s as clear as we have courage to see! It’s a matter of asking - What the F%@k?”
With that, I sat down and started with the story that inspired it all... The Story of Abraham & Isaac